Let’s Talk About It

I feel like even though it’s 2021, there still seems to be a huge stigma around mental health. People don’t talk about it nearly as much as they should be able to, which can make things harder for people already struggling. I’ve never posted about it before, but I am no stranger to struggles with mental health, especially right now.

When I was in 5th grade, my battle with anxiety started and I would throw up every morning before school. Over the years, anxiety started to come in different forms for me, but the most prevalent was panic attacks. Then in high school, my depression and eating disorder started. A lot of times where there’s anxiety, there’s depression…and vice versa. I was also a typical high school girl who fought with her parents, so when I was 16 they put me on a medication for depression. It really didn’t work that well, as I would have benefitted from an anxiety medication more. Through no fault of their own since my anxiety started, my parents didn’t understand it and would tell me to “work through it”, “get over it”, “relax”, or tell me “you’re fine”. This is the issue with mental health though, it is hard to talk about and to show people how you are really feeling, which also means that it is hard to get help. There is such a stigma about going to therapy as well, because it makes you feel like you’re “crazy”. Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re not. If you broke your arm, you would go to the doctor right? Exactly, so why should your mental health be any different?

If you’ve been following me, you know that I am currently four months pregnant. I’ve been on a combination depression/anxiety medication since I was in college, and it has changed my life finally being on the right one. However, because of all of the new hormones rushing through my body, mentally this pregnancy has been very rough for me. I’ve hit a level of depression that I never have before, I don’t feel like myself at all, and have really been struggling. The worst part of it for me is that I can’t pinpoint anything in particular that is making me feel this way, it’s just happening. It took me a few emotional breakdowns to realize that it’s time for me to go talk to someone and I am so looking forward to it. I have been physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I take naps, I never want to get out of bed or leave the house, and I haven’t really enjoyed doing much of anything. Covid definitely doesn’t help this either, because there’s not much to do and hanging out with friends has become limited. I also find that personally I must carry a lot with me and bottle a lot inside, so I can just absolutely lose it when the slightest thing sets me off. I didn’t feel like this until I got pregnant, and made the realization that in my second trimester I should be feeling the best I’ve felt through this process, and it was time to get help and try to help myself as well.

I’m writing this as a way to help myself, and also to share with everyone that these things can affect anyone, and it’s important that you take care of yourself. If you want to hear more about my experiences with mental health and ways I help myself, have any questions for me, or want to just talk then let me know! And most importantly, I want you to know that it’s okay not to be okay, and you are never alone.

I would just like to add that this selfie I took was the first picture I took of myself in a while (for me, lol) and though I’m wearing comfy clothes and didn’t do my hair, I threw some mascara on and took this in an effort to feel like myself again. I will say it felt good to take.